The Last Words

The room was filled with a grief, and a certain stench of medicines. The air was one of sadness and general repressed silence. Jolappa had come close to completing his time on God’s green earth. Everybody knew it, including him. Sleeping on the bed he was moving around reaching for his medicine.

His eldest son came up and helped him with it.

Basava, the eldest son of Jolappa had tears in his eyes. Although he hadn’t the fondest times with his father, still a father is a father.

Jolappa: Stop crying boy, reserve it for when am dead.

Jolappa was a crude, angry man who didn’t care for much. All he did care for was materials, possessions, money. He didn’t see anything else, nothing mattered that much to him.

All the relatives were slowly piling in, to pay their last respects. Jolappa was in pain. He knew his time was close. He wasn’t letting his feelings out and was being adamant about them almost to the point of isolation. Although death has this ability to bring people closer and also sympathize even if they don’t quite agree or like something, he was testing the limits there. It is said that at the time of death you unconsciously reasure that which you most longed or worked for your entire life. Although the heart really wants something else this unconscious reaction sometimes take over.

Jolappa was holding to his pain when suddenly one of the kids, Channa Basava’s kid started playing with an expensive show piece. The pain intensified he was about to pass away and before dying he whispered his last words, barely audible

Jolappa: Get those children away from the showpiece!

Basava was aghast. What a way to go. What last words to utter.. He shuddered. His father, role model

Later that evening, as he sat by himself with a drink a habit he had picked up quite out of necessity than anything else. When he was younger he took to the bottle because not much made sense, a repressed, suppressed life.

He took to the bottle.. I wonder what we take too..

His son came up to him and asked him what the significance of life was? Basava looked into the eyes of his child and all these reflections were going on within himself..

We think and speak nonsense all our lives. Thinking that we have time to rectify it, we follow ideals and copy other people’s ways in our heads thinking that we have time to find our own. But what if we didn’t? What if this instant was it? Not in a poetic or dramatic way. What if this instant was it? What would we then do? How would we then live?

He didn’t say any of it though.

He whispered in a faint voice: I don’t know..

The child was touched.. perhaps in a long time his father had spoken truth.

Child: Must be scary no?

Basva said.. Yeah and you know what.. Scary.. Alive.. Real

Something he hadn’t been in a long long while.

He sighed… A call was being made, something was being asked of him..

If there’s one thing watching his father taught him. Living life consciously and from the heart is a great game, the  ideas of what’s valuable, our own unconsciousness and our illusions of the world we want to build gets in the way of true peace and love.

Would the last words of his father be the beginning of something anew?

I saw God Today!

I saw her pour hot water today.

From a thermos to my brothers mug.

Carefully, cautiously,
Making sure nothing spilled anywhere.
So much care…

Something about how grounded and centered she was.
As she was doing it.

Simple, present and Here!
And that look of being gracefully concerned..
So totally present! So easy, so simple.
Nonchalant..

My heart welled up with gratitude.
My eyes with unwept tears.
I took a while to register what just happened.

I realized..
I saw God today.

And she was pouring hot water from a flask to my brothers mug.

The Big Bang Of Love – The Highest possibility of Relationship.

When the Divine starts loving, it breaks everything down.
So simply, so quietly.
With the tenderness of a wildflower,
And the intimacy and closeness akin to the warmth of our breath.
Snuggled, nestled and cradled on the bosom and Heart of Life.
The Call of it is Clear at each instant..
Surrender! Surrender! Surrender!
Then for the first time again,
There’ll be the big bang once more.
Within our very own hearts
The Big Bang of Love!

In the right kind of relationship, we start seeing the divine in and as everything. We see the divine in the one we love, and then in everything that animates itself in the world and Universe. This is the highest possibility of Love and relationship. Always has been, always will be. An ever lasting eternal love that keeps reigniting and renewing itself to itself. That’s why love is so highly regarded, that’s why everything transforms in love. We all know this intuitively. Love above all Else! Love above all Else!

To see the Divine, the One, in your Beloved and then see the same one, in everything and everyone. That is the highest possibility of relationship. This is our birthright.

It’s always been about this. Always. Ask your heart.. It’ll whisper..

The Amazement That is love!

For all the beloved friends and fellow travelers of mine who are living in the wonder and Amazement of what is Love really?

And for those of us, who really need it. A kiss from Love!

The Amazement That is love!

Love calls upon you to grow.. to expand
Love calls upon you to break, to make more of yourself
To connect with another heart
To abandon yourself while worshiping yourself.
To cry with another
Holding their hand
And yet Be Still internally

Love strengthens you
As it crushes you down into a million pieces
Love wrenches you open.

Love is Silence
Love swims when everything else backs off
Love is perhaps the only thing that can bare to swim against the current
of the river of the world & society
And yet have respect for it all.

Love Is
The Only Real Revolution
The Only Real Spirituality
The rest are poor disguises.

Love delights in itself
Love leaves you alone
To infuse every touch, moment and word with a deep presence
So deeply present with everything and everyone
Love calls out unyielding
Will we answer it’s call, or will we look away like we often have
We’re not bound to answer its call and can take all the time we need

Love leaves you with no answers, with no-thing
Love smiles on its own desolation
Love Stops you
Dead in your Tracks!
So that it may finally kiss you
And Make Itself into You!
Resist, or Resist Not
Love Loves You!

The Playing Guitar

The lights were bright, the air was stuffy with excitement. There was darkness and light at the same time, anticipation and not wanting to it to start at the same time, in fear that it would end. Bated breathing, joy unparalleled, nervousness it was all there. The stage was set, and it was time. He had to get on it whether he wanted to or not. One more time he would set out to discover himself, by losing himself again that’s what it did for him.

Playing in front of all these people, they thought it was about them and in a way it was, yet his internal journey none could read, none could document, none could comment on. The number of times he felt he would lose it, the amount of times he was confused and then out of nowhere something would arise which would be so strong that it would dissolve everything, and for those brief moments he didn’t exist, neither did the instrument. Those moments there was just the music. The sanctity of it and the way it traveled from one heart to the other, the rare unscripted phenomenon throughout human history. He thought it was him playing but how often he realized it was happening by itself. The guitar was playing itself, even the mistakes. Apparently in real music there was no off key, no off tune. There was just music and the playing of it.

His crumpled t-shirt and roughed up jeans gave the evidence of the measly little body that did play the guitar, and yet when the sound arose each knew from whence it came. He played it cause it’s the only thing he found peace &Love thriving. This was his temple, his go to place, and yet a part of him was always afraid to play. So much came up for him when he played, he saw all sides of himself. The fear, the anxiety, all inside him which seemed to be in opposition to Love and yet not really. What can Love Disown? The darkness seemed to add to the symphony of it all and shrillness gave it a new depth. It wasn’t as if it was only these things. There was Love, ease, a discovery, a joy, all of that.. The inner workings of his heart totally at display and not really.

He put himself out there everyday knowing that the tunes that went on within him nobody would ever know. He knew not why he played, with all that went on inside him. In more honest admission it felt many times it was the guitar that played him. Maybe that’s what all life was?

The Path of Love & Heartbreak

The path of love is one of Heartbreak
Is the one where we’re Lost at Sea.. At times perpetually

It’s the path of life.
Where every ounce of you cries

When you are broken into so many fragments beyond recognition

As a flock of birds return home from a long arduous journey

So do I.. To my heart every morning and evening.

Always in the crucible of togetherness
In this shared helplessness known as Life..

We find it in each other, nature and the entire Fucking shining brimming universe!

It hurts though, it pains

Pain from our childhood, pain from the culture, pain from the atrocities of the world at large.

You want to run far from it all
To a place that doesn’t scar
So do I.. love

For now,
This is what we have
It’s all we’ve got though hon.
It’s what IS really sweetheart.

And I love you!
And i hope you do me as well
I can only hope for that, It’s not my prize to claim or stake.

In this Eternal Heartbreak
You are incredibly beautiful
Even when you are totally lost at Sea
You belong with Me!
Even When you’re lost at Sea.

On Intimacy

If there’s one thing I’ve found we are most frightened of as humanity is.. It’s Intimacy.. Because there’s only the death of the ‘self’ on the other side of it. At its root.. Intimacy is that.

Very Much like a firefly that’s seeking Fire it’s entire life.. but to really be one with the fire, it has to Dissolve itself and BE it. Lose itself and Adorn it.

This is the paradox at the heart of all human relationships with oneself and the other. We are at once deeply drawn and scared shit-less by intimacy.. and rightfully so.. because Truthfully it strips us down to the bare, and leaves us open, exposed.. rips us apart.. Devoid of tricks and defenses. And we can’t stand that! Being that Naked.. and losing our sense of control,safety.

Everywhere else we have an escape door, here.. not so much.Its highly uncharted domain..Our intimate relationships always point us to our core wounds.. where our work still lies. If we wish to take it up, only curiosity, humility and simplicity survive. And when embraced becomes the gateway to heaven and he-artful stillness on earth whether alone or with another.

Embarrassing Bravery!

Maybe that’s the need of the hour. An Embarrassing bravery!, a bravery that leaves you unsure, looking a bit stupid, weak, defenseless. Gone are the days of being well put together, this macho individual who has it all figured out. We live in the bosom and rawness of life where it’s always a bit messed up. It’s also where the heart lives. So.. we’re always in good company and held in its stead, it’s where the deepest of joys are evoked, the deepest friendships unfold, and solitude reigns sovereign.

To live in a world where we are taking more of such actions, embarrassingly, unmindfully, straight from the heart and not caring much of what anyone has to say.

To love fearlessly with all our hearts, to Give the very depths of ourselves without even a plausible return, to Jump into the essence of sorrow and grief, to make friends with guilt and shame and give them a soft kiss on the forehead, to treat anger, loss, madness, ailments & heartache with dignity. That, Son of the Heart takes courage. That! Is Embarrassing bravery.. Daughter of Life. And when you begin to do that, you’ll no longer need approval and validation from anyone else. You’ll be able to meet your own eyes in the mirror finally for once with pride, joy and respect.

A currency running so scarce in the world. Don’t look to the world for love or to love you, they barely know they’re so confused finding it for themselves.. Everyone’s busy searching for it elsewhere.. You BE the Love, my love! You Show them how to Love! You become what they are looking for! In their heart of hearts they’ll thank you for it.

I promise you my love, even though it may not look like much or amount to anything big! I promise you something great will come from it. And it’s the one promise am willing to be pinned to. And I have my own (won) broken down embarrassing life to vouch for it 🙂

Sun Kissed Presence! Today We even Set God Free!

Sun Kissed Presence!
Today we even set God free

Broken so deeply that shadows flee hearing our stories
And we are reduced to nothing but a figment of our imagination
Lesser than ashes
In our brokenness we learn to love..
Am looking for the friend today who would happily break his/her heart with me
No guarantees, no demands, no expectations of any kind. Just here, Surrendered.
Today we even set God free
To let God be God without any pressure
Am here to play such a game and have my face marred in exchange
And have the glow of the Sun Kissed Presence
It’s been a long search and yet yielded empty seats and no substantial results
Will someone be willing to play this game?
Would someone be willing to share the light of the Sun with me?
Unfiltered, unswerving and Unsparingly in Love
Unquestionably, Unapologetically and Relentlessly
In the Heart

The Wound

There is a wound within you, that only you know about.
Nobody else does.
Not your best friends, your lover, your teachers, mentors or even your drinking partners
Try as hard as you might you can’t get rid of it
No technique, strategy, perspective works

Because deep down you realize that some scars never heal
They aren’t meant to be
Because they weren’t wrong in the first place
And maybe its a good thing

It is the wound within you that,
makes you so alive, innocent, simple, tender
makes you restart your incredible journey fresh each day
Your eyes clear and your heart giving

What if you discovered that the darkest part within you was a Messiah in disguise?
Would you then be willing to let it take you to places you’ve never seen before?
Would you finally for once be willing to meet it as it is and take its hand as you would a dear friends?
Or would you still continue to make it an enemy and struggle against it?

Shake that hand my friend, Shake that Hand!