GET ‘IN’.. YOUR OWN WAY!

She came to me and said
I Feel like am really messing my life.
So I said,
Here’s an oath for Us.

GET IN YOUR OWN WAY!
That’s your job
All of spirituality, everyone, almost fucking everyone tells you to not get in your own way..
I dare you today to get in your own way.. COMPLETELY!
I double Dare you!
Destroy yourself totally!
See.. there is something within us which is always hunting for blood
Which is downright evil
And will constantly get in our own way
It messes our life day in and out
Look! For crying out loud.
We both know it well, we know it all too well.
We’re not separate from it
How far will you run from it?
Today I beckon and call upon you
To actually do your job and get in your own way completely.
Do it fully though
No half hearted-ness
Be uninspired, be dull, be boring, useless, be an asshole
You are free!
You finally have the permission of the heart.
If there’s anything I know after subjecting myself to years of torture.
Truth doesn’t flourish in a repressed and proper environment..
Where there is no freedom and openness, Love and Truth barely ever walk in there

Mess it all up
You’re off the hook hon.
Throw the groceries, break the glass, wreck the damn living room of your mind. Splash those colors
Wreck the van, total it. Today.
NOW Darn it..
Drive yourself up the wall and go crazy for once
Am here, I ain’t running
Fall back on me when you feel guilt for it.

Even when no-one else will see the beauty. It’s there!
You’ll have the hearts eyes! You’ll See with it’s Spirit
The rest is Life’s job
The Heart will take care of everything else
Heart Assured!
The only true insurance you can bank on.
Are you game?

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The Path of Love & Heartbreak

The path of love is one of Heartbreak
Is the one where we’re Lost at Sea.. At times perpetually

It’s the path of life.
Where every ounce of you cries

When you are broken into so many fragments beyond recognition

As a flock of birds return home from a long arduous journey

So do I.. To my heart every morning and evening.

Always in the crucible of togetherness
In this shared helplessness known as Life..

We find it in each other, nature and the entire Fucking shining brimming universe!

It hurts though, it pains

Pain from our childhood, pain from the culture, pain from the atrocities of the world at large.

You want to run far from it all
To a place that doesn’t scar
So do I.. love

For now,
This is what we have
It’s all we’ve got though hon.
It’s what IS really sweetheart.

And I love you!
And i hope you do me as well
I can only hope for that, It’s not my prize to claim or stake.

In this Eternal Heartbreak
You are incredibly beautiful
Even when you are totally lost at Sea
You belong with Me!
Even When you’re lost at Sea.

On Intimacy

If there’s one thing I’ve found we are most frightened of as humanity is.. It’s Intimacy.. Because there’s only the death of the ‘self’ on the other side of it. At its root.. Intimacy is that.

Very Much like a firefly that’s seeking Fire it’s entire life.. but to really be one with the fire, it has to Dissolve itself and BE it. Lose itself and Adorn it.

This is the paradox at the heart of all human relationships with oneself and the other. We are at once deeply drawn and scared shit-less by intimacy.. and rightfully so.. because Truthfully it strips us down to the bare, and leaves us open, exposed.. rips us apart.. Devoid of tricks and defenses. And we can’t stand that! Being that Naked.. and losing our sense of control,safety.

Everywhere else we have an escape door, here.. not so much.Its highly uncharted domain..Our intimate relationships always point us to our core wounds.. where our work still lies. If we wish to take it up, only curiosity, humility and simplicity survive. And when embraced becomes the gateway to heaven and he-artful stillness on earth whether alone or with another.

Embarrassing Bravery!

Maybe that’s the need of the hour. An Embarrassing bravery!, a bravery that leaves you unsure, looking a bit stupid, weak, defenseless. Gone are the days of being well put together, this macho individual who has it all figured out. We live in the bosom and rawness of life where it’s always a bit messed up. It’s also where the heart lives. So.. we’re always in good company and held in its stead, it’s where the deepest of joys are evoked, the deepest friendships unfold, and solitude reigns sovereign.

To live in a world where we are taking more of such actions, embarrassingly, unmindfully, straight from the heart and not caring much of what anyone has to say.

To love fearlessly with all our hearts, to Give the very depths of ourselves without even a plausible return, to Jump into the essence of sorrow and grief, to make friends with guilt and shame and give them a soft kiss on the forehead, to treat anger, loss, madness, ailments & heartache with dignity. That, Son of the Heart takes courage. That! Is Embarrassing bravery.. Daughter of Life. And when you begin to do that, you’ll no longer need approval and validation from anyone else. You’ll be able to meet your own eyes in the mirror finally for once with pride, joy and respect.

A currency running so scarce in the world. Don’t look to the world for love or to love you, they barely know they’re so confused finding it for themselves.. Everyone’s busy searching for it elsewhere.. You BE the Love, my love! You Show them how to Love! You become what they are looking for! In their heart of hearts they’ll thank you for it.

I promise you my love, even though it may not look like much or amount to anything big! I promise you something great will come from it. And it’s the one promise am willing to be pinned to. And I have my own (won) broken down embarrassing life to vouch for it 

We accept the love we think we deserve!

We accept the love we think we deserve!

I used to often wonder, sometimes still do when i see two people together in relationship. Why are these guys together? I mean it makes no sense, it’s obvious that either of them could do so much better.. I myself have struggled so much with this, and been stuck in unfulfilled relationships for the longest time where for whatsoever reason i wasn’t met back with the equal amount of intensity and love and stuck around due to my fears..

I’ve also seen many people have had it easy, but for some of us, especially for those of us who approach life deeper and in a more whole way, relationships have been the greatest field of exploration and depth. Nothing on the surface.. and as a result it has cut so deep cause we want an authentic, expansive and truly heartful and sensitive way of relating. So if you’re one of those who has always struggled to make a relationship work, that isn’t your fault, and there’s nothing wrong with you.

And i looked around and saw so many such unfulfilled relationships, there’s like an epidemic of them almost. Have you seen it’s so rare to see a couple brimming with Love and Joy for each other? Until one day i heard a line from a movie which made total sense to me, it was from the ‘Perks of Being a Wallflower’, and the line was, ‘We accept the love we think we deserve’. There’s almost an inner thermostat each of us have to the extent of Love we can take. Whenever the love we receive begins to cross that thermostat, we just cant take it. It’s almost like we feel we don’t deserve this and shun it or turn it down or do something stupid to blow it off. We Get in its way.. And it’s so sad, we are in our own way often.. to experience the deepest love we are so naturally capable of.. We’re still like little kids who deep down feel we are unworthy, we don’t see that’s such a deep defense mechanism. Almost like hurting ourselves by denying what is so naturally ours.

Sometimes love has become such a mad mad game. It all began somewhere along the line, where someone from our families or the collective family of the world, hurt the other, the wounds continue and they pass it forward. We have forgotten to pass Love forward, we just keep passing hurt and tough issues. Broken families, terrible marriages, people unwilling to fathom closeness, running away from relationships, scattered in all sorts of harmful equations ..Wounds, pain, that’s what we’ve been passing on. We’re all playing out unresolved wounds in relationships, fear of intimacy, and it hurts so much to come face to face with them.. it breaks our heart wide open. Ancestral lineage after lineage. Generational pain, I often ask myself where does it all stop? Can someone put an end to it? and really consciously work through it and free up the field.. So many of us fail at this, even so called spiritual ones.. From what little I’ve known, Its the hardest thing to do.. I don’t have an answer but it’s a question worth dedicating the rest of my life to. And to perpetually be open to let the Heart In, over ad over again! Whatever it may cost me..

If the heart had a voice it would Say, If only you Saw the kind of Love that’s naturally our birthright, we wouldn’t trade it for anything. We usually go around distributing love and understanding to the whole world, we forget though, You more than anyone else deserve the Love, you hand out. First and foremost it has to be at your own two blessed feet and with this comes the sensitive and heartbreaking understanding that People will always end up receiving and giving love at their own level of consciousness.

Show up to yourself Darling! You are the occasion, You are the Main Event! You are the Show Stopper! You are the Occasion Darling, Rise to it! Show up to yourself in All your unbranded glory, whoever you are.

Sun Kissed Presence! Today We even Set God Free!

Sun Kissed Presence!
Today we even set God free

Broken so deeply that shadows flee hearing our stories
And we are reduced to nothing but a figment of our imagination
Lesser than ashes
In our brokenness we learn to love..
Am looking for the friend today who would happily break his/her heart with me
No guarantees, no demands, no expectations of any kind. Just here, Surrendered.
Today we even set God free
To let God be God without any pressure
Am here to play such a game and have my face marred in exchange
And have the glow of the Sun Kissed Presence
It’s been a long search and yet yielded empty seats and no substantial results
Will someone be willing to play this game?
Would someone be willing to share the light of the Sun with me?
Unfiltered, unswerving and Unsparingly in Love
Unquestionably, Unapologetically and Relentlessly
In the Heart

The Wound

There is a wound within you, that only you know about.
Nobody else does.
Not your best friends, your lover, your teachers, mentors or even your drinking partners
Try as hard as you might you can’t get rid of it
No technique, strategy, perspective works

Because deep down you realize that some scars never heal
They aren’t meant to be
Because they weren’t wrong in the first place
And maybe its a good thing

It is the wound within you that,
makes you so alive, innocent, simple, tender
makes you restart your incredible journey fresh each day
Your eyes clear and your heart giving

What if you discovered that the darkest part within you was a Messiah in disguise?
Would you then be willing to let it take you to places you’ve never seen before?
Would you finally for once be willing to meet it as it is and take its hand as you would a dear friends?
Or would you still continue to make it an enemy and struggle against it?

Shake that hand my friend, Shake that Hand!

The Beauty of Tears!

As I sat there crying uncontrollably..It occurred to me what if people saw me? What if they think I’ve gone crazy? What if they judge me? What if they call me weak, overly sensitive? Too deep into shit? , Too used to giving crap to myself

Then the heart spoke to me. She said what if you are actually, finally going sane?. The tears bordered on a smile and finally maybe for the first time i felt safe, protected and held. To respond intensely and he-artfully to something, I must have actually have gone inwardly sane, IN-sane.

Finally being one with your pain and hurt and not running like so many do, building castles of their life, convenient escapes to not face what is really there in the guise of let’s not rock the boat, its not needed/required or be well guarded/ put together to prove their superiority to themselves.

The heart loses in all such games. A moment of innocent authenticity and vulnerability lets the Universe Live in us again.

The Universe doesn’t need more people with armors, well defined intelligence, spiritual brilliance. It needs people with a heart full of Love. A heart so loving and complete that it’ll walk into hell and back for the sake of love itself.

That and only that has ever made a redemptive difference!

Walking in the Wilderness

Walking in the wilderness
Lost.. but never truly lost
Found.. but not in a way that points to as an address..
No real company other than the sounds of the birds and the rustling of the leaves..
The quiet movement of the trees
Cracking of the stones and the warm summer heat..
Alone with and as everything in the universe
And yet the occasional joyful company of some beloved human beings
Crazy enough to hang out with me

The Deep wildness of Spirit
Engulfed in darkness
A darkness so pure that no light can touch it
Dark and yet never beyond holding
I don’t know where I come from
And where am headed
I just know this tiny container known as me
Is Held
In Love and Silence

The Dark Christmas!

Own the Hurt
Be one with it
No one can fuck with you then
It’s yours. You see?
It’s no longer something wrong, bad or something that you feel sorry about
The angst, powerlessness, the hurt, the misunderstanding, sadness, helplessness
Romance with it.
Breathe the heart of your presence to it.
It’s the spark of the stones that led to the fire
It’s the crucifixion that led to the resurrection.
It’s your inscrutable aloneness that they can’t take from you.
There’s an anvil on the horizon this Christmas
An anvil to break down all that which gets in the way of your True Being!
You can’t run from YOU anymore, try as you might..
FUCK IT!!
FACE IT!!
OWN IT!
It’s always been about you! Always.
It’s dark and quiet.
For this is the promise we made, before time and space
That we’ll walk the path of Truth and Love!
Long before the face of the universe came into Being.
You promised to walk beloved child of God!
You promised to walk
Don’t turn back on it now.
Even if your shadow doesn’t walk with you
Sigh!
Alright!! Rip me limb from limb, shred to shred
Lose everything that can be lost, throw it in the bin
Drink up the darkness
Leave nothing of me including my shadow.
On this Christmas plunged in darkness
I took the promise
Long before light made its way..
For the brightness of Millennia ahead of me.
When All is said and Done
This is all I will have
This promise to Truth and love!