What’s my path someone asked me recently?
My path I thought to myself… Often looks like me crying, on my knees, kissing the ground, accepting defeat, begging for mercy.. Beaten down to a surrender, into absolute humility. I realize how many things I get wrong, how much I fail at, despite trying my best.
I pointed to a totaled van nearby, that’s what my path often looks like. A total and complete wreck.
He gave me a weird stare and said you’re crazy.That’s so not appealing. Do something better with your life.
I smiled back and said maybe I am, who in their right minds would choose this way. But there’s a joy in being so totaled, I can’t explain it. I get to see the amazing cars go by with absolutely no jealousy in my heart. And there’s sort of this broken, vulnerable, sensitive love in my heart for and from the kindness of the Cosmos. That’s got to count for something, right?
He had walked away by then, I was left here in my totaled van, with the sun shining, the broken shelter from it, my feet firmly planted in the ground and the warmth of the summer breeze.